Saturday, April 24, 2010

30 Years

My dad built this gazebo especially for my wedding ceremony. I wish you could see my bouquet which was created around a 5 inch orchid one of my neighbors grew and asked me to carry as my wedding bouquet.

It's my wedding anniversary. I can hardly believe that it's been 30 years and through the years I think I've learned a lot. My husband and I are a great example of what happens when opposites attract.

Husband is from Beirut and grew up when the city was the "Paris of the Middle East." In his high-rise, he grew up with a full-time live in maid. I grew up with yard to be mowed and lots of chores to be done because my mom and dad both held down full-time jobs. That was back in the day when mothers did not work and in fact none of the women in my husband's family worked.

My husband is a Muslim and I'm a Christian. I probably don't have to tell you that neither of our families were happy about our decision to marry (this is an understatement). Our wedding was postponed for several months in the planning process while the families tried to cope (pleaded with us not to marry) with the idea of our union.

My husband grew up vacationing in Europe during the summer while I was on farms in middle Georgia picking blackberries, peaches, peas, butter beans and corn, followed by weeks of shelling, shucking and canning. He enjoyed sunbathing on the Mediterranean every day in the summer while I was working outside dodging copperheads, possums and gnats. In my husband's family, everyone attended exclusive private school with a day that generally included a formal luncheon. He also enjoyed a spending his summer break at their summer home with all the family enjoying lots of leisure time. We didn't have much leisure time at our house (okay, that's an understatement too. I hope my sister reads this post). I took my first babysitting job at the age of 11 and my first full-time job at 16. I've been working since then.

When I met dear husband and he said he was from Lebanon, I confess that I had to go to the map to find the little country. We were from such different worlds but over the years the differences have made us strong and we continue to learn so much from each other.

Here are some of the things my husband has taught me.

Be comfortable with who you are and enjoy the day. Through the years we made trips to Lebanon during the civil war. I've dodged shoot outs, survived a car bomb and passed through more checkpoints than I want to think about but through it all I observed an attitude of Que Sera, Sera. In fact it seemed that during our visits at night in the clubs and restaurants of Beirut, at least one time a night the establishment would actually play Doris Day and clientele would join in and sing, Que Sera, Sera. I REALLY like to worry but I try to sing this song when I'm most stressed. It helps.

Cherish your life and those around you. For 30 years my husband has brought me coffee in bed. He has focused on the small gifts that we share with one another. He lets his children know that they mean more to him than just about anything. His love extends to the rest of his family including his cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. In his family the extended family members are just as important as your immediate family - it's all the same ---family. Husband does a great job in making sure they all know that they are more important than all the external interference that consumes our busy lives.

Be happy and focus on it. My children are so different and I admit that when I grew up there were prescribed paths (expectations) and I grew up understanding these were necessary paths to take. I was not allowed to explore too much off the path. My husband was raised with a focus on finding your happiness. For me, when it came to raising children my concerns were often focused on "the path" with lots of panic and guilt when they took a misstep. I would always blame myself. My husband was more focused on helping the kids find their happy factor. When my first child was born my husband gave me a copy of Khalil Gibran's, The Prophet. Through the years I've gone back to read the chapter on raising children and it's helped me simmer down. Husband reminds me often to stop and take more time to sit with him on the porch.

Protocol and respect. I've loved every moment of exposure to formalities that were never a part of my life. So many of these formalities have helped me learn to respect myself and those around me. Two religions can live and work together with great respect. When it comes to religion I have enjoyed learning that my husband is also one of the children of Abraham. I remind myself that in so many ways we both go to the same church, we just sit on different pews. Our trips to the middle east have taught me the importance of finding the similarities that our faiths share (and there are many) rather than searching for the differences.

In some ways I think dear husband and I could "teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony."

Happy Anni, Hossy. I hope you read my blog today.

16 comments:

  1. JoJo what a wonderful tribute to your husband, love and learning to accept differences and find common ground. Happy Anniversary!

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  2. Beautiful entry, Cheryl. I think you must both have been exceptional young people to hold with such sureness to the person you knew was the right one for you.
    Happy anniversary, and congratulations to both of you!

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  3. Happy Anniversary Cheryl, and a lifetime of peace and joy to you both.

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  4. what a lovely post! You two are an amzaing example of love and respect to your children, they are very fortunate indeed. Happy Anniversary!

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  5. Sounds like a wonderful love story - happy anniversary and many more. sandie

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  6. What a beautiful post and great testiment of love! Happy Anniversary!

    I could have written this post in many ways myself. June 25th will be our 30th anniversary and we come from different worlds also, as well as completely different religions. Both of our stories show that it can and does work. It takes patience, love, understanding, and dedication. I say yay to all 4 of us!

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  7. Happy Anniversary Cheryl!

    What a wonderful marriage you have proving that what seems so opposite to some does not matter when there is love, respect and understanding.

    My husband and I share the same religion but we also came from two different worlds. He was from old world southern Italy and I was the Brooklyn girl of Irish/Ukrainian descent. It took some time for his family to accept me, but we've been married 35 years and are more in love each day.

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  8. Cheryl, I came over to thank you for visiting us and leaving such a sweet comment and I'm SO glad I found you!! I do believe you and your Hossi could teach this world a thing or two! Lovely, lovely post. I'm off to browse your blog
    xoxo Pattie

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  9. What a lovely post. My great grandparents came from Lebanon in the late 1800s. They brought many of their traditions with them, and some have survived to this generation - of course, the food!
    Happy Anniversary!

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  10. I'm so glad that I found your blog today. As a mother, I found it especially enlightening. My brother-in-law is from Beirut. He and my sister recently celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. He has been a wonderful part of our family for that long.

    I look forward to reading more of your blog and following your posts.

    Best,
    Bonnie

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  11. P.S. I failed to mention that my brother-in-law is Muslim and my sister Christian. We are southern girls, born and raised in Virginia. One of my nieces (daughter of the aforementioned) went to medical school at Emory. We loved visiting her in Atlanta, especially in the spring.

    Best,
    Bonnie

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  12. This is such a beautiful post! Happy Anniversary and thank you for sharing!

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  13. What a very readable and interesting post.
    Thank you for visiting me in France, it is so nice to meet new friends!

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  14. Happy Anniversary by heart dear Jojo and all the very best in the future. Hugs. Philip

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  15. Oh, this made me smile. True love. Such a wonderful gift. Happy, happy anniversary!!

    My husband makes my breakfast every morning, too. How did we get so lucky?

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  16. Hi Cheryl and a Happy Belated Anniversary to you and your husband...this was a wonderful post and you made a beautiful bride...

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